


What Once Was

by SpiralCreator



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Confessions, Crying, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hate to Love, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-02 20:53:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11517264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiralCreator/pseuds/SpiralCreator
Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima decided to finally reveal something to Celty Sturluson. Something he thought he would never tell everyone. His deepest, darkest secret that he believed he would take to his grave.Back in high school, he dated Izaya Orihara.Basically a collection of Shizuo's flashbacks to high school where he and Izaya were a thing. He just kinda does some storytelling. The majority of this work will just be snippets of the past when they had a fluffy fluff relationship. Then, of course, things took a turn for the worse and Shizuo was sad and lonely for years. Izaya did not fare much better.





	1. Do Not Judge Me Too Harshly

The clock had struck noon, signaling Shizuo Heiwajima’s lunch break. Usually, Shizuo would eat lunch with his boss and friend, Tom Tanaka. Today, however, he would spend his break with the Headless Rider also known as Celty Sturluson. He always enjoyed the dullahan’s company. She never interrupted him, judged him, or avoided him. She was admittedly frightened by him at times, but she offered him practical advice and words of encouragement. Today, he needed a trustworthy individual to vent to and someone who could provide him with guidance. Naturally, she was his first choice. As much as he loved and trusted his brother, Kasuka Heiwajima, he did not want to be burden him. He did not wish to burden Celty either, but she never complained and always reminded him that if he needed an ear (or a puff of smoke) to listen to him, she would always be available.

He spotted Celty at the park where they agreed to meet up. Most times, they would just talk on a street corner or inside Russia Sushi, but he needed a place to sit with fresh air. The park, being an outdoor area with benches, proved to be the ideal location. The reason he required a place to sit was because he figured today’s chat would be a long one. The fresh air was necessary because the topic they would be discussing today would most likely leave him light-headed and in need of fresh air to clear his thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, the ex-bartender walked over to the courier who was already seated on a bench. He began mentally and emotionally preparing himself for what he was about to confess to his best friend. He was in dire need of expressing his past and present struggles. He dealt with his memories alone for several years, but since today was the anniversary of possibly the worst day in his life, he was suffering. He decided he would not suffer alone this year.

[Hello, Shizuo. How are you?] Celty utilized her PDA to convey a message to Shizuo since she had no alternative way of communicating. She scooted over on the bench, making room for him to sit down.

“I’m fine.” He was not fine. If he was fine, his hands would not be shaking slightly. If he was fine, he would not be sweating nervously. If he was fine, his heart would not be aching slightly.

He plopped down on the bench next to Celty and turned his head to face her just in time to read her next message.

[What did you want to talk about?] Celty knew Shizuo asked to speak to her for a reason and she would do anything in her power to help him. After he had read her message, she lowered her PDA and waited for him to respond. She would give him time to collect his thoughts and formulate proper response. Afterwards, she would hear him out without interruption. That would be her goal anyway. She would never interject due to not wanting to interrupt his train of thought.

Shizuo began having second thoughts. He had kept this secret for awhile and did not want Celty to judge him too harshly. She was not a judgmental individual, but that fact was not helping him at the moment. The only thing that could ease his nerves currently would be a cigarette. Yeah, that would do the trick.

Taking out his lighter and his pack of cigarettes, he lit one up and did what most people do with a lit cigarette—he began smoking. That certainly alleviated some tension, but he was still uneasy.

It was now or never. He turned to face his friend and was glad that she did not have a face because he was certain he would have trouble looking her in the eye. He gulped before trying to articulate the words he needed to say.

“Uh…well…um…” Evidently, he was not able to do so. Celty understood this, so she nodded encouragingly. She wondered what had the bodyguard so unsettled.

Taking a deep breath, he decided to just spit out the words in a frenzy and hope for the best. He was sure he would regret the words as soon as they left his mouth, but it needed to be done.

“Back in high school, I dated the flea.”

Celty knew immediately who he meant and judging by his serious yet rather flustered expression, she could tell that he was telling the truth. In response, she dropped her PDA. Although her body language was not always clear to some people due to her lack of a head, he could tell she was surprised. She stiffened briefly before fumbling to pick up her PDA and quickly typing a message.

[YOU DID WHAT?!] She practically shoved the device in his face before retracting it almost immediately to type another message.

[WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!] She again shoved the PDA in his face, completely confused, shocked, and surprised. Never in her life did she ever believe such a thing could take place. Hell had probably frozen over. She could practically see the pigs flying right now.

Shizuo was not sure how to respond to her questioning, so he merely rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and waited for her to calm down a bit.

After a considerable amount of time, the dullahan’s panic had calmed down. But only slightly. She continuously wondered if she had heard him correctly. She knew that she promised that she would not interrupt him, but this situation was unbelievable. As odd and bewildering as it was, she would hear him out and attempt to help him. She was his friend after all.

Sighing, Shizuo attempted to explain himself. “I know now that it was a mistake. At the time, I…” he trailed off and a look of pain was evident on his features, “…I thought it was a good idea. I mean, I knew he wasn’t the best person, but he had…” Shizuo shook his head, reminding himself that none of it was true. “He pretended to have good qualities. He pretended to care about me.” Shizuo took a deep breath before continuing. “Then that damn flea revealed how shitty he truly is.” He was gripping the armrest of the bench rather harshly, leaving a considerable dent, before letting go and sighing once more. “I liked him. I really did.” Shizuo was not being completely honest with Celty nor with himself. He knew deep down that, at the time, he loved the informant. With all of his heart. That is why it was so painful. “It was like the pest killed him. The version of him that I liked.”

At this time, Celty could clearly discern the look of distress on his face. She placed a hand on his shoulder, still rather surprised, but wanting to give him some sort of comfort.

For once in his life, the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro felt weak. It was taking all that he had to not release tears. He never spoke about this with anyone, so he never really got over it and it was an event that changed him greatly.

“At times, I miss him. Not the shitty him. The one that was actually nice. I know that version of him never really existed and I just…” Reminiscing on the past was making him overly despondent and sadness was not an emotion he dealt with well. He allowed the pain to turn to anger.

“I really hate him. I fucking hate him so much. I swear I’m going to kill that goddamn bastard the next time I see him! Kill kill kill kill…” Celty rubbed Shizuo’s back gently, attempting to coax him out of his murderous rage. It seemed to do the trick when he stopped muttering ‘kill’. He glanced at her before leaning back on the bench and letting out an exhale. “I know hearing this was probably really weird for you, but thank you letting me tell you. I needed to get it out.”

Celty felt glad that Shizuo appreciated her. She appreciated him as well. [Of course, anytime. That’s what friends are for after all. :)] Shizuo smiled at the little emoticon that she used before checking his phone for the time. As much as he wanted to continue conversing with her, his lunch break was over.

“I gotta go now, but thanks again. If you wouldn’t mind, I think I’d like to tell you more later.” He stood up from the bench and pocketed his phone, waiting for her to respond.

[Anything you need is fine by me.] She showed him the message before putting away her PDA and waving goodbye to him. After he said farewell, she went back to Shooter, her loyal horse and current motorcycle, and drove back home. Never did she expect that to happen. She wondered what more Shizuo would share with her.


	2. The Water was Cold

Two days had passed since he last spoke with Celty yet he still felt rather embarrassed and apprehensive. Perhaps he should not have told her about his past with Izaya. Well, too late for that now. They planned to meet again at the same park (on the same bench). It was a nice park, filled with exquisite flowers and a stunning water fountain. The weather also proved to be agreeable, sunny but not too hot. He felt more relaxed here yet it reminded him of a specific event from his past. Now he knew what he would be telling Celty about today. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he made his way over to the dullahan who was once again early and waiting for him patiently.

[Hey Shizuo. Did you have a nice day?] She did not wish to force Shizuo to open up, but she wanted to present herself as amicable in the event that he wanted to tell her more.

“Yeah, I suppose.” He once again plopped down on the left side of Celty. “I finished work early today, so more time to myself.” _More time to remember the past. And that damn flea._ “How about you?”

[I’m okay, Shinra’s being weird again.] She shook her helmet as she showed him this message, clearly exasperated with the underground doctor at the moment.

“Isn’t he always?” Shizuo inquired. Never was there a time when Shinra behaved normally. Maybe he behaved casually around Celty and no one else.

[Yeah…] Celty typed out. The air was a bit tense with a dash of awkward. The courier did not want to bring up the topic of two days ago in case the ex-bartender did not want to talk about it again, but she kind of knew that was why he invited her here. She fidgeted with her PDA before typing out a message, [Did you maybe want to talk about something, Shizuo?]

Shizuo nodded reluctantly and there was faint blush barely visible on his cheeks. Clearing his throat, he began his anecdote.

“Well, it was weird, y’know, being with the flea and all. When he confessed to me, I didn’t believe him. Probably should have gone with my gut at the time.” Shizuo shook his head before continuing, “But eventually, I did believe him. It took awhile, but I finally asked him out on a date…”

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shizuo had never felt so apprehensive in his life. He was fidgeting nervously with the hem of his shirt, waiting for the flea’s arrival. They were meeting up in front of Russia Sushi in order to walk to the park together. He had never asked anyone else on a date before nor had he ever been asked out. He had no idea what to do on a date. Everything was confusing and the flea would be here any minute! He could definitely make a run for it. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. As soon as he was about to follow through on said plan, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Shizu-chan, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” It was Izaya. He had arrived. No chance of escaping now. Would Izaya chase after him if he ran away? That would be a turn of events. It was almost comical, but Shizuo was actually considering it.

“Y-yeah…I’m fine.” His voice was betraying him with that cursed stuttering. The entirety of their situation was making him uneasy. He did not care to alter his image or behavior for anyone, but with the flea scrutinizing him so carefully, he was beginning to feel self-conscious.

“So…you said you wanted to go to the park?” To most, it would appear as if Izaya was perfectly composed, though Shizuo could feel that he was a bit apprehensive as well.

“W-we don’t have to! If you want to go somewhere else that is.” It was odd, but Shizuo felt the need to please the flea. He did not want to mess up this date.

He could see Izaya pondering for a second before shaking his head and responding, “No, it’s fine. Shizu-chan said the park, so let’s go to the park.” Shizuo could see that the Izaya was about to grab his hand to lead him to the park, but he stopped himself. Instead, the flea shoved his hands into his pockets and walked alongside the blonde. Neither of them made eye contact or exchanged any words during the walk there.

“Ah, we’re here.” Izaya extended his arms to the sides dramatically. “Tell me, Shizu-chan, why did you pick the park?” He turned to face the blonde with curiosity evident in his eyes.

Shizuo wondered why the flea always asked so many questions. Not everything had an ulterior motive or reason behind it. Shizuo often did things on a whim. He was unsure how to respond to the flea’s question without sounding aggressive. He decided to answer honestly.

“No reason, I just thought it would be nice.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, waiting for the flea to tell him how stupid he sounded. He knew he was not as clever or intelligent as Izaya was, but he was not as dumb as Izaya made him out to be. He liked to think he was kind of perceptive at times.

“Hmm,” Izaya responded, glancing around. “I can’t say this is a place I visit regularly.” Shizuo felt as if he made a mistake. If the flea did not frequent the park, then that meant he didn’t like the park. If he didn’t like the park, then he wouldn’t like the date. If he didn’t like the date, he wouldn’t like Shizuo anymore. Shizuo began panicking before Izaya spoke up again. “I should come more often, especially if Shizu-chan takes me,” he winked at the blonde before continuing, “There are lots of people to observe here after all.”

Shizuo felt his face heat up a bit and was about to respond before hearing a loud noise. He jumped at the sudden sound, looking behind him to see a duck. A small yellow duck with an orange bill. The duck had quacked at him. Izaya, meanwhile, was attempting to stifle a laugh. Shizuo glared at the duck who quacked again. And again. And again. And again.

“That’s it.” Shizuo was agitated and ready for retaliation. “You think it’s fun to just quack at whoever you want? Hah?!” After recognizing the angry look on Shizuo’s face, the duck gave off the loudest quack it possibly could before running away. Shizuo would not let it get away that easily. “Get back over here you coward!” Shizuo ran after the duck while Izaya laughed his head off.

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[You chased a duck just because it quacked at you?]

“What’s your point?”

[Nothing, never mind. Keep going.]

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shizuo came back after his attempt of catching the duck proved unsuccessful. Izaya was attempting to cease laughing, but could not seem to do so. Especially not after Shizuo came back pouting. He shook his head and guided Shizuo to a little dispenser stand labeled “Duck Food”. He inserted a quarter in it and turned the little nob, making food come out of it. The future informant picked up the food and gave a little grin to Shizuo.

“Watch how it’s done.” He walked over to a group of ducks and stuck his hands out. They came flocking to him one by one while he chuckled. He sent a smug look to Shizuo while more came. One after another. And another. And another. Izaya attempted to back away after a bit, but he was being surrounded. He turned around only to be met with more ducks. Shizuo could see a look of worry grace Izaya’s features. More and more ducks came flocking to Izaya and they began looking angry.

Izaya made a run for it. The ducks followed of course, making Izaya’s panic increase greatly. Shizuo watched as Izaya ran through the park, attempting to escape the ducks. Around the lake, along the path, through the playground, but it was not enough. Izaya had thrown whatever food he had at the ducks, but was still being tailed.

“I have no more food! Go away, you beasts!” Izaya ran faster until he collided into Shizuo. Shizuo could barely register what was occurring since Izaya was moving so quickly. Somehow, Izaya had climbed him and was now perched on his shoulders. Shizuo looked at the ducks now surrounding him and laughed a bit.

“What’s the matter, Izaya-kun? Afraid of a little ducks?” Shizuo then began laughing loudly while Izaya kicked him repeatedly.

“Don’t just laugh! Make them go away!” Izaya yelled from the top of Shizuo’s shoulders. Shizuo wiped a tear from his eyes before averting his attention to the ducks.

“GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY!” The ducks immediately fled in fear, bumping into each other in frenzy to escape from the person who had just yelled at him. Izaya climbed down slowly and refused to make eye contact. Shizuo noticed and kept attempting to make Izaya look at him, motioning his head in various angles.

“So I take it you don’t like ducks anymore?” Izaya crossed arms and pouted, refusing to answer Shizuo’s question. The future bodyguard laughed lightly once more and Izaya punched him the arm.

“Shut up! It’s not funny! They weren't ducks; they were demons.” Shizuo found that display to be rather amusing and…kind of cute…? He shook his head. That couldn't be right. He needed to distract himself, so he looked around the park. Upon locating an ice cream vendor, he glanced at Izaya who was still donning a pout.

“Do you want ice cream?” Shizuo inquired, already licking his lips in anticipation.

“As if I would want to consume a creamy confection such as that. Too sweet and unhealthy.” Shizuo was rather surprised. How could someone not like ice cream? He would have to learn more about Izaya’s preferences.

"Are there any flavors you like? Any at all?”

Izaya placed a hand on his chin, thinking over the question for a bit. He sighed before responding, “I suppose vanilla isn't too dreadful.” Shizuo nodded and went over to the ice cream vendor, purchasing two cones. When he came back, Izaya was already seated on a bench. The blonde handed him a cone and sat down next to him.

“So nice of you to pay, Shizu-chan. Tell me, how do you acquire money?” Once he finished asking his question, the raven began licking his ice cream, frowning once then shrugging. It did not seem like he hated it.

Shizuo was made slightly uncomfortable by the question since he did not want to admit to having a minimum-wage job. He did not think there was anything wrong with the fact, and even if there was, he was never one to be bothered by what people thought of him. Until now, of course.

“Ah? That’s not important,” he answered quickly, hoping the flea would forget about it and just eat his damn ice cream.

“That sounds incredibly shady, Shizu-chan,” Izaya responded with a chesire grin, his eyebrows wiggling a bit as an indication of something suggestive.

Not gracing that response with a reaction, he simply told the flea, “Shut up.”

“Fine, fine. But that attempt to change the subject was not subtle at all.” As if Shizuo was not already aware of that fact. Wrinkling his nose a bit, he simply repeated his earlier statement.

“I said shut up.” 

And so Izaya did. With Izaya’s attention focused on the ice cream, Shizuo could finally consume his own. There was a moment of silence between them which quickly transformed into a period of awkward silence. Neither wanted to speak up first, but eventually, Shizuo did.

“Is that good?” Shizuo was referring to the ice cream which Izaya seemed to recognize right away. Holding up the vanilla cone and turning it around to glance at all of its angles, Izaya came to a conclusion.

“It is.” After licking it another time, he extended it in front of Shizuo’s face. “Do you want some?” The smaller male wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, just as he had done before. Shizuo, not one to back down, leaned closer to the ice cream and took a large portion of it into his mouth, leaving almost none of it left behind.

Izaya frowned, probably not expecting that reaction. But that look of disapproval was quickly replaced by an inquisitive one. “How come you didn’t get a brain freeze?” Before Shizuo could respond, Izaya interrupted him with more words. “Never mind. I shouldn’t ask that. Of course Shizu-chan’s monstrous body wouldn’t succumb to such things.”

Shizuo felt his eye twitch and his features form into a scowl. “Didn’t I tell you to shut up already?”

Izaya’s grin only grew. After licking his lips in order to remove the excess vanilla, he pursed them.

“Make me,” he purred.

At that small statement, Shizuo felt his heart skip a beat. He did not have time to retort or act upon those words in any way because Izaya broke out into hysterics.

“You should see your face! Ahahaha!” Izaya, stilling laughing rather loudly, clutched his stomach and leaned forward a bit, ice cream spilling from the cone in his hand. It dribbled down, making his left hand sticky with vanilla. He did not seem to mind until after he had calmed down. “Look at what you made me do,” he grumbled. Shizuo had no idea how that had been his fault, but decided not to argue. Instead of being a part of the problem, he decided to be a part of the solution.

“Just go dip your hand in the lake or something.” 

Izaya stared at Shizuo as if he had grown a second head. “Are you insane?” Shizuo was about to respond with a ‘look who’s talking', but was once again interrupted by Izaya. “Why I would stick my hand into infested waters?"

Shizuo was not having it anymore. With determination, he grabbed Izaya’s wrist and began dragging him to the lake. Izaya protested the entire way and helplessly flailed against Shizuo’s unrelenting grip.

“No, Shizuo stop! I don’t want to! I don’t want to!” he shouted repeatedly. The yelling only augmented Shizuo’s agitation; therefore, he continued dragging him.

“Shut up, you sound like a spoiled brat.” Not backing down, Shizuo finally managed to bring the flea to the lake.

“Wait, Shizu-chan…” Izaya looked away, but continued speaking in a softer tone, “…the ducks are there.” Upon seeing the red tinting Izaya’s cheeks, he released his wrist. He kind of felt like laughing again, but decided to spare him the humiliation.

“Fine, fine. Sorry.” Shizuo placed his hands into his jean pockets and waited for Izaya’s response.

Suddenly, Izaya turned to Shizuo with an expression of confidence. This startled Shizuo slightly, but he was more intrigued than he was alarmed. Izaya let out a small chuckle before raising one hand to caress Shizuo’s cheek. Immediately, Shizuo heart began beating quickly and he could feel his face flush. Izaya leaned forward, motioning to stand on the tips of his toes. His smile never faltering, Izaya whispered into Shizuo’s ear, “Remember when you told me to shut up?” Shizuo gulped and nodded, still shaking slightly from the close proximity. “Well, you never did make me. Would you like me to show you how to shut someone up?” Shizuo’s face turned even redder, if such a thing were possible, but he nodded slowly again. Izaya chuckled once more before placing a hand on Shizuo’s chest. “You do it like this…”

In one swift movement, Izaya pushed Shizuo into the lake. Luckily for him, but unluckily for Shizuo, the blonde was unbalanced and did not have enough time to register the action. His fall created a large splash and as soon as he resurfaced, he shot Izaya the nastiest glare he could muster.

“YOU FUCKING PEST!”

Izaya, meanwhile, was cackling evilly. Wiping a fake tear from his eye, he braced himself for an attack. Again, his grin was ever-present.

Shizuo emerged from the water, dripping and unhappy. He had only one thing to tell the flea: a warning.

“You better start running.”

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“And then I chased him like usual. This time was different though. He led me to his house and helped me get cleaned up. I forgave him for that incident and we had a great time playing board games and video games and stuff.” Shizuo concluded his story by taking out a cigarette and lighting it. He smoked for a bit, still awaiting any words from Celty.

The dullahan was too preoccupied with thoughts to form and responses at the moment. Throughout the entire duration he had been telling the story, Shizuo had been smiling fondly. Celty could tell that that was a treasured memory and she felt saddened that Shizuo’s relationship had ended badly. She disliked Izaya, just as many others did, but it would have been nice if Shizuo had someone. She could tell the former bartender often became lonely due to the fear that surrounded his reputation. If only people would get to know him first, then they would recognize how kind-hearted he was. It was too bad that the only person willing to do so was a rotten human like Izaya.

[Was the water cold?] Although this was a rather lackluster question, she did not know what else to say. Apparently, Shizuo did not seem to mind as he chuckled.

“Haha, yes it was.” Breathing out a puff of smoke, he looked up at the sky, observing the clouds. The small smile that had been gracing his features was replaced by a stoic expression as he spoke again. “It really was.”


	3. A Piece of Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is a surplus of puns within in this chapter. This may lead to intense cringing, fist-slamming, and/or forced laughter. Oh, and dads might show up (puns are a dad-magnet). You ought to run while you still can...
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ...oh well, you have been warned.

[Hello, Shizuo. Today’s your day off, right?] Celty questioned while puffs of smoke billowed under her helmet. Shizuo nodded wordlessly before putting out a cigarette. He still found it rather strange to be discussing such things with Celty, but so far, she had not turned him away or made him feel uncomfortable. She truly was a one-of-a-kind friend—and not just because she did not have a head.

“Yeah, it is…” After Celty remained silent, he took that as a signal to continue. “Should I just start off then?” Scooting himself into a more comfortable position on the bench, he began preparing the story he would convey to her.

[Whatever makes you feel comfortable.] Smiling slightly at her genuinely kind response, he decided to begin.

“Well, even though we were dating and stuff, he still got on my nerves.” At the memory, Shizuo’s eyebrow twitched. Celty, having noticed such a thing, ‘spoke up’ again.

[Did he do illegal stuff back then as well? Did he still send gangs after you even though you two were together?]

“Well yeah, but that wasn’t what I was referring to.” Celty wondered what else it could be, but would not ask directly since he would probably tell her anyway.

[Oh?] Deciding not to interrupt him anymore, she simply tilted her helmet to the side and allowed him to continue.

Taking a deep breath, he began his second anecdote of the week…

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Although he often had troubles reigning in his anger, he was proud of himself for holding back at this moment. Currently, it was lunch time at Rajin Academy and the quartet of friends—which included Kadota, Shinra, Izaya, and Shizuo—was on the roof of a school building, enjoying lunch. 

The reason for Shizuo’s current frustration was the fact that Izaya was laying down, resting his head on Kadota’s lap. Naturally, it was considered an axiomatic truth that Kadota’s lap was great for taking naps on (they all had done so at one point), but now that Shizuo and Izaya were together, Shizuo felt a bit betrayed. 

The two of them had not revealed their relationship to the other two; however, they were sure the others kind of knew already.

Nudging Izaya lightly with his foot, he gave a command. “Get up. If you want to sleep, go home.” In response, Izaya blinked slightly and rubbed his eye. The raven did not get up though, instead, he smirked and turned his head to address Kadota.

“It seems like our current position does not _sit_ well with Shizu-chan.” After chuckle, his intention was clear. Shinra was the first notice.

“Was that a pun, Orihara-kun?” Izaya merely shrugged and turned over into a more comfortable position, still resting on Kadota’s legendary lap.

Shizuo felt his eyebrow twitch yet again, but said nothing as he plopped down on the concrete and opened his lunch box. The irritation was wearing off slightly, but Izaya just had to speak up again.

“You see, Dotachin? He won’t _stand_ for this!” All of them turned their heads at the sound of something breaking. Shizuo had snapped his fork in half after Izaya had spoken.

“Shut up, you damn pest. No one’s impressed.” Izaya’s grin grew at every word, as if Shizuo had complimented him rather than insulted him.

“Is Shizu-chan not a fan of wordplay?” Shizuo glared at Izaya, giving him a silent warning. Not deeming it to be enough, he decided to give him a verbal warning as well.

“Shut up. I hate your voice.” Izaya merely snickered and spoke up again, ignoring the anger radiating off of the blonde.

“No need to _voice_ your opinion.” Shizuo was now clenching his fists tightly, but would not give up that easily.

“I hate your face.” He attempted a different insult in the hopes that Izaya would not be able to formulate a pun based on this one.

"I guess you can't _face_ the fact that I am more attractive.” A vein was popping out of Shizuo’s forehead now, but he would still not give in to what Izaya wanted, which probably for him to lose control. 

"I hate your hair.” Again, a different insult. Surely Izaya could not—

"You really think it's that _hair-ible_?” Dammit. It was taking all of his self control not to tackle Izaya and get him into a chokehold.

"I hate your hands!"

"I suppose you cannot _hand-le_ their magnificence.”

“I hate your ears!”

“That’s rather _ear-itating_.”

"I hate your nose!”

"Everyone _nose_ my nose is great.”

“I hate your teeth!”

“Sometimes the _tooth_ hurts.”

"I hate your eyes!"

" _Eye_ find them remarkable.”

"I hate your eye color!"

" _Color_ me impressed.”

Sensing the obvious tension growing, Kadota cleared his throat and spoke up. “We were thinking of planning a trip to the lake next weekend. We’ll pitch up tents and sleep in the forest for some time. It’ll be relaxing.” Izaya’s eyes lit up, but not at the thought of a camping trip. Kadota had just granted him an opportunity to irritate Shizuo more.

“I think that’s a splendid idea. I heard you guys speaking of this yesterday, but before I could ask ‘ _wat-er_ you talking about’, the bell had rung. This does sounds like an _in-tents_ trip though and we should definitely go _for-est_ long as we can.”

Shizuo had squeezed his juice box too harshly and now juice was spilling everywhere. Shinra gave Izaya a knowing look and decided to at least alleviate the tension a bit.

“Come on, don't start that now.”

“Would it _start-le_ you if I did?”

Oh well, at least he tried. Shinra began stifling a laugh at Izaya’s antics, but Kadota would not take it anymore. He pushed Izaya off his lap while the future informant was laughing. Once his face connected with the concrete, Izaya pouted slightly.

“That was mean, Dotachin. You hurt my neck.” His eyes lighting up again and the pout quickly fading, Izaya sat up and began speaking in a nonchalant manner. “ _Neck-st_ time, don’t do that. Now it’s sore. Well, _sore-t_ of. You should be _sore-y_ and apologize. I’m used to the _lap_ of luxury after all.” These words caused Shizuo to throw his lunch box into the fence that surrounded the rooftop.

“That’s it, you damn flea! Shut up!” Izaya’s grin was wider than ever as he scooted over the future bodyguard. He leaned in close to Shizuo’s ear and whispered a single sentence to him.

“Sorry for the _pun-ishment_.” Unable to contain his anger any longer, Shizuo threw a punch in Izaya’s direction. Gracefully, Izaya avoided the blow and quickly stood up, preparing for another attack to follow. “You know, the first person to throw a punch is the one who has lost the argument.”

Shizuo scowled, but stood up as well, prepared to throw more punches. “Would you rather I kick you instead?”

“I’m sure you would get a _kick_ out of it.”

“I’ll give you a ten-second head start.”

“Someone seems _discon-ten-t_. You keep _unin-ten-tionally_ giving me more material to work with. You should be more _ten-tative_ when you speak, but then again, you are the _quin-ten-ssence_ of stupidity. It’s a _dishear-ten-ing_ fact, but you need accept that your _exis-ten-ce_ is—“ Izaya was cut off by a bench flying in his direction. Taking that as his cue to start running, he waved goodbye to Shinra and Kadota as he began bolting down the stairs.

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[I’m amazed that you’ve managed to remember all of these puns.]

“Well yeah, I’m scarred for life. But hang on, it gets worse.”

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

If Shizuo did not speak, then Izaya would not be able to make anymore puns…right?

As Izaya skipped down the stairs, navigating his way past a couple students, Shizuo hurtled and pushed past students in a wildly uncontrolled manner.

“You should be more careful, Shizu-chan. People are _stair-ing_.” Mentally, Shizuo repeated ‘shutupshutpshutupshutup’ even though he knew the flea would do anything but.

Fueled by intense rage, Shizuo ran faster than usual. Due to his added efforts, he managed to grab ahold of Izaya’s uniform jacket. Before he could celebrate the victory, Izaya managed to slide out of the article of clothing with the grace of a swan.

“Ahaha, that was a _clothes_ call!” Evidently, remaining silent was not helping; therefore, he decided to express his rage vocally.

“I’m going to tear you into a million fucking pieces!” By now, they had exited the front gates of the school and were continuing their chase through the city.

After sharply turning a corner, Izaya laughed in an obnoxiously loud manner. “Would that give you _piece_ of mind?”

Shizuo let out a growl, his irritation doubling by the minute. His mind was completely focused on silencing the flea any way he could—the most effective method being murder.

“Let’s see how many puns you can make after I rip your shitty head off!” At this, Izaya’s laughter grew louder and louder.

“Well, Shizu-chan. I’m kind of attached to my head. In both senses of the word.” He turned around briefly to send Shizuo a wink before picking up his pace once again. The flea had seemingly endless energy.

That was it. Shizuo was done. Turning to the side quickly, he uprooted a tree and threw it in the pest’s direction. “SHUT UP!” Izaya stared in awe for a second before side-stepping and dodging the tree.

“I _wooden_ do that if I were you. Geez, Shizu-chan, no respect for the environment. Nature is important you know. You should…” he did his best to hold back laughter in order to complete his sentence, “… _tree-t_ it nicely.”

Shizuo roared loudly once again before ripping a street sign from the ground and flinging it at Izaya. He hoped it would hit its target, but realistically knew it would not. The thought frustrated him even more.

Just as Shizuo had predicted, Izaya managed to narrowly dodge the flying object. Izaya paused for a bit, staring at it with a bit of false dejection. “Maybe that’s a _sign_ you should stop.”

“CUT IT OUT, YOU PARASITE! YOU’RE JUST A PAIN IN MY SIDE!” Shizuo shouted with the utmost feelings of loathing and annoyance. Izaya, on the other hand, was having the time of his life.

“That’s be- _side_ -s the point.”

Shizuo, powered by raw and pure rage, lifted up a car and flung it at Izaya with all of the strength that he could muster. That flea was begging for death and Shizuo would be sure to give it to him.

Izaya watched with wide eyes before running towards the car and jumping over it skillfully. That was a close one, but Izaya did not dwell on the thought.

“You should be more _car-ful_ , Shizu-chan! That almost hit me!” Shizuo’s eyebrow continuously twitched as he thought something along the lines of ‘duh, that’s what I want to happen’.

In order to provoke even more of a reaction out of Shizuo, Izaya pulled out his knives and began flinging them in Shizuo’s direction. He managed to dodge most of them, but one was able to graze his shoulder. Shizuo began gritting his teeth with intense force.

"You and your stupid puns and your stupid knives…I hate them! I’m going to kill you!” After concluding his exclamation, Shizuo let out a loud and deep sound as an expression of his severe anger.

“Quite a shame,” Izaya sighed and shook his head, “I think both are _stabulous_ ~!” As Izaya uttered these words, he began climbing to a rooftop, knowing full well that Shizuo would follow him.

“I hope you fall off the building, you flea,” Shizuo muttered as he too began scaling the walls in a feeble attempt to catch Izaya.

Izaya hummed in response. “Would you _fall-ow_ me?” Izaya snickered as he arrived at the rooftop, no longer running away. Taking advantage of the pest’s lack of motion, he tackled Izaya and pinned him to the floor.

“Careful, Shizu-chan. You’re hurting both my body and soul.”

“…was there a pun in there somewhere?” Izaya giggled a bit at the inquiry, but shook his head. “Okay, well, it’s not like you have a soul anyway.”

“Is that your _soul_ issue with me? Because I believe I have a _soul-ution_ to that!” Shizuo’s faced formed snarl as he thought of how to end the flea’s life. “Oh, and by the way, there was a pun in there. Two, actually.”

“I know, you parasite.”

“Okay, just making sure.”

As Shizuo continued to glare at Izaya in silence, going over the various murder options, Izaya spoke up again. “I _punderstand_ that you do not find these to be _punderful_ ; however, you can _de-pun-d_ on me to make it up to you.”

Shizuo groaned before burying his face in Izaya’s chest.

“Please stop.”

Izaya raised his hand to pet Shizuo’s hair in a soothing manner, laughing lightly in a less malicious manner.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Thank god.”

Izaya continued laughingly fondly and stoking Shizuo’s blonde hair. “Oh, and I did mean it.” When Shizuo responded with a confused hum, Izaya elaborated. “I will make up for it. How does cake from your favorite bakery sound?”

“It sounds great,” Shizuo admitted before getting up and pulling Izaya along with him. “You better be paying.”

“Of course, anything for you, Shizu-chan.” Shizuo grunted in approval before making his way down the roof, Izaya following close behind. Finally reaching the floor, he began walking to the bakery with Izaya skipping next to him.

“You know, Izaya…”

“Hmm?”

“Catching you nowadays has become a piece of _cake_.”

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[You didn’t.]

“I did.”

As Celty continued cringing internally, Shizuo concluded his story.

“The cake was pretty great and felt nice to have someone to eat with. I mean, I always had my brother, but he had his own friends and I didn’t want to take up all of his time. I could have eaten with Shinra, but…”

[I understand.] Celty typed out, knowing Shinra was not always the best of company. Especially since he was always attempting to obtain a blood sample from Shizuo.

Shizuo nodded and ended his story of the day with a ‘so yeah…’ Although he had smoked a cigarette earlier in the day, he lit another one. After recounting all of those horrible, horrible jokes, he would not be surprised if he finished the rest of the packet.

The duo continued sitting in their comfortable silence before hearing a rustling in the trees.

[What was that?] Celty inquired, turning her helmet to face the tree, but seeing nothing. Perhaps it was a large bird or a squirrel?

“I don’t know, but it kinda stinks,” Shizuo stated as he sniffed the air. After a few minutes, he lost interest and shrugged while moving on to his next cigarette. Looking at his packet, he decided that he would be needing a couple more. Those jokes really were the worst…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well. My sincerest apologies. I know, I will burn in hell for all of these "jokes"...but I mean...did you enjoy any of them? If so, then it will be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Not the best, I know, but you will have to forgive me. I am rather ill at the moment and it is affecting my work.


End file.
